


Missing Parts

by Ulalume



Series: Shadow Seeker [9]
Category: Star Wars: The Old Republic
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-04
Updated: 2014-06-04
Packaged: 2018-02-03 10:17:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1741046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ulalume/pseuds/Ulalume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyr finds that expanding his crew causes him to reassess his past and what he is missing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Missing Parts

**Author's Note:**

> Context: This piece directly references the RP that Aileuromania and I are currently working on with our characters. It’s a reflection from the point of view of my character, Kyr.
> 
> Originally posted: http://the-oubliette.tumblr.com/post/40462658554/missing-parts

Kyr sat on the ground, watching the Balmorran shield flicker orange overhead, pulsing light that streamed almost imperceptibly from one edge to the other and back. The sun was just beginning to brighten the jagged mountain peaks in the distance, still too low on the horizon to reveal that the land around him had seen better days. In this small valley, vegetation was often stunted, but in the quiet before dawn, he could imagine what it had looked like before the factories had moved in, bringing the haze that never quite managed to clear.

He sighed, a quiet sound that didn’t express the unquiet thoughts within. Today they’d head into the colicoid area. The reports didn’t downplay the damage the swarms could do to humans (and therefore, humanoids) but he wasn’t worried about the bugs. He was more worried about the Balmorran resistance and Republic troops in the area. He just wanted a clean operation, no one hurt, target neutralized, and delivered. It wouldn’t be that easy, though, because two of them were immediately recognizable as affiliates of the Empire.

He stretched his legs out in front of him and closed his eyes, enjoying the solitude, the remnants of crisp night air, the faint sounds of small wildlife foraging. The others had been sound asleep when he had crept out of the tent, and he hoped they’d stay that way for another hour. They had been practically on top of each other since they’d set foot on Balmorra, and while he enjoyed their company, he wanted some time to himself to put his thoughts in order.

Kyr felt unsettled. Everything had become more complicated since he’d made the agreement with Imperial Intelligence to take an unknown person on as a new crew member. Then there had been the attack on the ship and the medical emergency with Ger, the uneasy atmosphere while they waited for ship repairs, and now they trailed their target through hostile territory.

Through this all, Kyr had begun to recollect memories about the past he’d tried hard to forget.

Kyr opened his eyes and leaned back against a large rock. He brought his knees up, dug his boot heels into the gravel, and balanced the last of the little cakes he’d brought from the bakery in Sobrik on one knee. He would have preferred to bring the Csillan ferop’kish, but those wouldn’t have lasted this long without a stasis chamber.

He poked at the cake. He associated this particular one with Mako, but his thoughts went further back.

So much memory in such a small thing. He smiled as he remembered his sister’s delight when he brought her small boxes of ferop’kish on his breaks from the academy. She had been such a young thing then, and the quiet discipline that was already part of her demeanor kept her emotions in check as she solemnly accepted his gifts, but he could always see her happiness just beneath the surface. In private, Nissaki had always had smiles for him, kind words, laughter, and hugs. She’d also shared excited hopes for her future, her joy when she discovered new topic to explore, her disappointment when she learned that not everyone was as honest as she thought they should be.

Kyr’s mood grew somber as he indulged in his memories. He knew he would always miss his family, but it was Nissa’s friendship he could never replace. She had been his touchstone, his closest friend, his only true confidante. The thought of leaving his sister almost kept him from stepping aboard Vaasha’s ship, but the knowledge that Nissa would have encouraged him to go ultimately had helped him overcome his doubts.

He was grateful that Vaasha had done her best to make him feel like family and ease his adjustment into a new life, but he’d never been able to completely shed his old habits and thinking, remaining far more reserved than she. Eventually, the loneliness had faded, though, replaced by new friendships and dangerous work. He’d sharpened his skills, gained confidence, and earned a reputation and the scars to go with it. He’d become a new person and put the past behind him.

Lately, however — In the moments before sleep, or in the quiet hours on the bridge — he found himself thinking of his past and wishing for the type of connection he’d once had with his sister: someone who knew everything about him, who accepted his quirks, who shared personal hopes, ideas, dreams.

In most ways, Mako had easily filled the role of sister and friend. Yet even though he considered her his adopted family, there was still a part missing from their friendship. She didn’t know everything about him, and to protect his family, he could never tell her — could never tell anyone. Mako also didn’t understand the subtleties of Chiss society, the strict standards, the disappointment with oneself when falling short of those ideals.

A sad smile touched his lips, disappearing almost before it manifested. Ironically, the person who probably would understand — and who certainly knew about his real family — was one he should not trust.

Kyr had worried about taking on an unknown working for Intelligence, but Ger had been a surprisingly welcome addition to the crew, with skills and a personality that meshed well with theirs. Kyr had been prepared to maintain a distance, to treat the new crew member fairly and without sentiment for the duration of the job. Instead, he found himself being less cautious than he should be. He was eager to know more about the other Chiss, wanted to be friends, and knew that he should not let that happen.

But he was letting it happen.

He ran his hand over the sedge next to him, feeling the edges of the vegetation catch on his fingers while he stared at the sky. It had been less than a week, but he missed seeing stars. The shield obscured the sky in a wash of light — beautiful, but ominous, like the thoughts he kept to himself.

Ger’s very presence had made him realize how much he’d deliberately tried to forget, of what he was missing. He reminded Kyr of home, of what it meant to be Chiss, of lost friendship, and that made him feel lonelier than he wanted to admit. He worried that because of his loneliness, he was taking steps towards a friendship that he knew was built on lies.

What worried Kyr most of all was that he did not care that it might all be false.

He let out a quiet but frustrated growl and poked at the cake again, not feeling hungry. He’d give it to Mako and maybe he’d get a hug in return. He felt like he needed one.


End file.
